Though I do not live far away in some developing country, doing adventurous things, experiencing exciting things and enduring hard things, I shouldn't think that would disqualify me from keeping a blog. Adventurous, exciting, and hard things are no stranger to me. So, here I am writing into the oblivion of the internet.
Mainly, I am writing because I've had too much caffeine and cannot sleep. It doesn't help that my husband, for the last 2 and half weeks and counting, is sleeping 3000 miles away. I also have some ridiculous fantasy, I guess you could say, that somehow my blog will turn into something "big," and be read by thousands, even millions, because clearly what I have to say is so important and interesting. Not only that I am the world's greatest articulator. I mean I won the writer's award in 6th grade.
But also at the same time, I see that blogging takes quite a bit of time if one were to wish it to rise in popularity. Potentially, though, I may have that sort of time. I'm finishing school and moving back to Florida where my husband has just started medical school. I am nervous at how much his time will be taken up by this endeavor, but at the same time, I can't stop bragging and couldn't be more impressed by him. I am fortunate enough to have a job once I get there. But that is only 40 hours of my week and sometimes it's hard to know what to with the rest of my time without my partner in crime (also an aspiring rap-star, here). As is evident now.
Time has always been something that has intrigued me, actually. Though only 25, I feel like I have such an amazing perspective on life. What 7, 13, 25, 45, or 60 year old doesn't? But seriously, the seasons of my life are growing, and sometimes it's hard to believe that I have gone through all of them. And that there will lots and lots more seasons to come. I sometimes get angry with time because it never does what I want it to do. There are instances when I wish it would just stop, at least be kind enough to slow down, so that I can enjoy such perfect moments. There are other instances where I demand it to get it's lazy butt off the couch and hurry up. Like now. Time is kind of a blob and I wish the next 3 weeks would go by quickly so I can be reunited with my husband again. But I've been here before. Time faithfully gets off its butt and at the same pace it always does, it gets going. And once it's where I wanted it to go, I'm left wishing that it hadn't done it so quickly. I wish that time would've lingered a little longer so I could've spent more time appreciating my supervisors and colleagues here and taking the amazing beauty that is Oregon. I guess time never does what we want it to do because we don't really know what we want it to do.
I am realizing that I need to work on my vocabulary if I wish to become any kind of "good" writer.
So, here's to sleep. I'm not sure that blogging has made me any closer to that state. My husband took nearly all of our furniture when he moved to Florida. A choice of a couch or air mattress, coupled with caffeine in my veins, makes sleep objectionable (used the thesaurus for that one -- should've paid more attention when I studied for the GRE).
Since my husband's departure I've been bewitched by the Walker family (Brothers & Sisters series) and by the altered story of Dinah (The Red Tent book). It seems I've resigned that time will not speed up nor slow down for me. So, I've made adjustments and have learned to pass time by passively participating in other lives, though fictional and intangible.
I don't really know what I want this blog to be -- a simple "journal" of my life's events or a listing of the rambling thoughts and ideas that go through my head. Clearly, I've made a step towards the latter. But, just like I have idea what I want time to do, I have no idea what I want this to be. But, in the end, everything happens and turns out precisely how it was supposed to.
PS. Ending sentences in a preposition: is it still technically wrong? Everybody does it these days, which totally negates previous rulings.
PPS. I wish the tone in which I said my initial PS could be heard.
PPPS. So many thoughts that I want to quickly scribble. But time, though not obliging to our demands, is dependable. Morning will come. And night will also come again, perhaps lending to more blogs. Til then.
